TEDxSHBS Youth

Ever wondered what it's like to have a fight so bad with your mom that even the FBI wants to take a look? I can tell you, it's not pretty, but it's where I learned that sometimes, love needs a Band-Aid and a lot of forgiveness. 

During the epidemic, my old school life was boring and heavy with classes. I was eager to find a new direction. So in Grade 9, I came to Canada to study. My life at school went well at first, but then there was some mental turmoil and my life was in a rut.

Eventually the school decided to have my mom fly to Canada to take care of me. The school didn’t allow me to live on campus due to “safety reasons,” and that really got under my skin. My mom rented a house near the school, and I was biking to school every day. I hated school at that time. 

One day I just felt like I couldn’t survive another second at that place, so I went back to the house right after lunch. Mom questioned me angrily. She thought I could at least give it a try by just staying there; I didn’t even have to study; just stay there. I was too angry to give her a satisfying answer on why I came back early, and she was ready to beat the crap out of me. That was what she did. 

I did the worst thing possible by returning a punch, and she couldn’t believe it. She got upstairs. I left.  I was walking in the opposite direction of school. I was so angry at her. At that moment my mind went blank and I just had an uncontrollable urge to let my emotions out, and I thought I could survive on my own. 

Outside, it was a very lovely Ontario countryside with grass, a clear blue sky, and horses, but I was in a whole different world; I just couldn’t feel anything but desperation. Because the fight left some marks on my face, while I was walking, people passing by would pull over and ask me if I needed any help. I said no to all of them. But there was this one lady who kept pulling over, and finally she stopped, got out of the car, and asked a bunch of questions. She saw the school uniform I was wearing, and she said she would call the school. I turned back and headed home. 

After I got home, mom was crying. I wasn’t sure how she felt when she got hit by her son and found out that he left home without a message, leaving both of them alone in this country she barely knew about. I then found out she called my dad back in China while he was sleeping, and he reached out to me when I was on my way back. From his tone it sounded like he already knew what had happened and was anxious, he asked me where I was and told me to hurry back. I felt a twinge of warmth inside me, but it was hard to tell.

It didn’t take long for the school to call my mom and ask us to go to the school health center immediately. We came up with the story of me falling over, trying to cover up for the mark on my face after our fight. But there were fingernail scratches on my head as well. The health center didn’t buy the story. “Are you freaking FBI or something?! Leave us alone!” I couldn’t be more desperate at that time. Then, the head of the center took me to a room, and she talked me out of it. I remembered her. Once I was down and didn’t want to go to school, she checked my pulse and said, “Are you an athlete? Your heart rate is low.” I knew she was being nice, but the feeling of being recognized was certainly precious. She was much more of an amiable character than the old woman who was pressuring me beforehand. Anyway, at last she got the answer; she told me she felt sorry, and we were free to leave. 

"It must have been my inadequacy that put too much pressure on you, so now I'm going to enrich myself, strengthen my inner world, and just be your keeper, blessing and gazing at you,” says mom.

Looking back now, I feel relieved. I’m just fortunate to have a family that supports and loves me unconditionally. Now I’m able to put myself in my mom’s shoes, and the struggles she has faced seem unfathomable. When we were living together in Canada, she had to work through the whole night on weekends because of the time difference between China and Canada, and she held herself responsible to care for me and my need.  She worked because she knew she had to, as a grown woman and a mother. 

A part of me wishes I could go back to comfort her. However, I also know that my condition was too bad to do so, and that suffering only serves to strengthen us. I’ve transferred from school to school too many times, mostly because of my own actions. Though there were multiple altercations, my family still had my back every time I messed up. Now we’ve all taken a huge leap and accepted each other much better. We never fought again, and now more than ever, I can sense their love for me. That's because we know what it means to accept and cherish love.

Lastly, to my fellow travelers on this journey called life, especially those of you who are facing tough times, remember this: You are never truly alone. The people who love you, even if you're at odds with them, are your anchors in the storm. Take the time to connect with them, to understand each other, and to forgive. And don't forget to take care of yourself. Find your own space, Take a breather, go for a stroll—but maybe not as far as I did. So, let's move forward with the knowledge that our struggles can make us stronger, and that love, with its Band-Aids and forgiveness, is the most resilient force in the universe."